How can that be? Well, because inherently everything is created for your growth, healing and highest good. What makes the difference between something being “negative” and something being “positive”? It is simply our perception of the experience that makes the difference. For example, one person may find the laughter of children to be “annoying” and a nuisance getting in the way of their television program, while another perceives the same laughter as a beautiful sound of joy and a reminder of their grandchildren and children. The only difference is the perception and the choice of how to see and experience it.
The same goes for ALL things. However, many of us have deeply embedded belief systems that cause us to believe that things are either “good” or “bad” and that there is no other way to see the things we have chosen to be “good” or “bad”, “favorable” or “unfavorable”, “achievable” or “unachievable”, “preferable” or “not preferable”. It isn’t that we CAN’T see things differently, but rather that we WON’T see them differently. There is a “payoff” in staying low and being a victim to the world– you get to receive pity from yourself and others, you get to complain all day long about your awful circumstances, if you’re really lucky you get your significant other to dote on you because you’re “in a bad mood” and you get to go off on people and be mean to them simply because YOU “feel bad” (which is your choice). But in the grand scheme of things, none of this contributes to the actual solving of your perceived problem, in fact it only contributes to the expansion of it. And who decided that your experience was so awful anyway? Only you. You did. And you can also choose to see it differently.
In my own experience, I have learned this many times over. MANY.TIMES.OVER. For the majority of my life I was unable to take responsibility for myself and my emotions, and consistently blamed others for how I FELT and experienced the world. The game of finding something to point a finger at about my “awful” experiences– be it my physical health, my location, other people, what other people said or did, my job– literally ANYTHING other than myself– became normalized for me. My life was a roller coaster of drama created by my own perceptions and inability to take responsibility. Eventually I realized that only I have power over how I experience my life– no matter what takes place within it. How did I learn this?
My journey began when the impending dark hole within me was unable to be filled by my constant grasping outside of myself and blame games. It became increasingly deep and I could no longer ignore the suffering I was experiencing. By way of what I would call Divinity, or Divine Order, I came into a phase of my life where I learned the psychology of taking responsibility and letting go of the rest– SURRENDER. A long journey it has been, indeed, but I have never and will never look back. Beginning with learning the principles of Buddhism and Quantum Physics, I started to see very clearly that the world each of us sees is truly just inside of our heads, and that what we focus on expands. To make this relational, remember the different reactions to the children laughing– the differences are only inside of our minds– there is nothing more or less real about either of the perceptions except that once we choose them, that is what we see. This is a scientific and divine law– taught throughout the ages, now backed by evidence-based FACTS.
Accepting this is usually the hardest part. Mostly because, again, we don’t want to take responsibility and be in control of our lives. We don’t want to admit to ourselves that the life we’re living is of our making. But, eventually we have no choice. Oftentimes people only begin to wake up to this Reality when they literally have no other options– when the hole is so deep and so insurmountable that they no longer can ignore that they are unable to heal it alone. I went through this myself, as most people do when they reach the turning point in their lives that shifts the perspective from “victim” to “creator/power”. After discovering Buddhism and Quantum Physics, I discovered A Course In Miracles, which is very similar. The basis of A Course In Miracles is FORGIVENESS. We must simply forgive all of our perceptions of things, and in doing so, we become free.
You see, we are not free when we are tied to anything outside of ourselves. We are a slave to the world if we think anything happening “out there” is going to be the cause of our happiness. The reality is that we must choose to be happy, and then the outer world will only reflect happiness. Things may not ever change on the “outside”, but you recognize this world and all that is within it as transient–temporary– and you find peace within your True Self. Your True Self is the part of you within that is infinite and unchangeable, always there awaiting your rediscovery of it, guiding you to true joy. Once we are in touch with this True Self, it doesn’t matter what the “outside” stuff looks like. We no longer wish to control or change anything, but rather to trust and have faith and enjoy the ride. There is so much FREEDOM in the ability to let go and to choose to be happy NOW.
Why would you suspend your happiness to a later time? My dear, you want happiness NOW. I know it, you know it, everyone knows it. No one wants to wait for happiness, we all would have it right now if it were up to us…. SO GOOD THING IT IS!!! Your happiness is all up to YOU. This can be seen as POWERFUL or as fearful. Maybe you don’t want to take responsibility for your own happiness. Maybe you were waiting for someone else to bop you on the head with happiness or for some outside event to take place that just magically makes you happy, but that is never going to happen, ever. You have to do the work yourself, and you have to choose happiness for yourself– in each moment, in each experience, emotion, event and circumstance. It really doesn’t matter how grave and dire and depressing it seems, your seeing it that way is only your choice.
The reason it seems so difficult to come to this realization is because we have a part of ourselves that I refer to as the ego. You may call this what you’d like, but I strongly advise you to acknowledge it’s existence. It is the part of you that loves feeling bad, that loves judging, being mean and talking about people, that loves to fail and be miserable “OH WOE IS ME”. Yes, this exists in you and you KNOW it, whether you accept that or not, however, is your choice. This part of ourselves would like for us to stay under it’s manipulative power more than learning of True Power because once we begin to see True Power, the ego begins to die. We no longer want to give our energy to suffering and infinite darkness, we would rather experience happiness and joy so we begin to do what it takes to reach that, which threatens the ego’s existence. This is why it SEEMS so hard to change and grow past old patterns of belief. The part of yourself that LOVES to suffer does not want you to feel good, so it tries to prevent that by extending “bad moods” and “annoying people and circumstances” to try and enlist a reaction from you and to get you to remain it’s slave.
But as you will begin to see, none of these moods are inherently “bad” and none of these experiences are inherently “annoying”, only your perception of them has created that image for you. Every single thing that we experience can either be seen in light of growth, expansion and power or in the darkness of victimhood/forcefulness. When something “undesirable” happens to me, my FIRST reaction is to be upset and play victim, but if I take a moment to step back and see it just a little more clearly I can see that these times are grand opportunities for growth to put these truths into practice. So, for example, a break up with someone can be seen as total heartbreak and a loss of a will to live (because you put the source of your life/happiness outside of yourself and into the relationship), or it can be seen as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, to grow yourself and learn to love yourself better (because you see the source of your happiness as coming from within and you take responsibility for being happy). The reason the event takes place is ALWAYS for your Highest Good, ALWAYS. Even in the event of a loss or a trauma that seems devastating, there is a great OPPORTUNITY to heal and grow through it.
Nothing that we experience is actually “negative”. All “negatives” are really positives because they are a part of your experience, created to help you evolve and overcome. What would life be if we never had opportunities to grow and put these lessons into action– to make our dreams (of happiness, peace, love) come true? How else would we ever do better? We simply need to trust the process of the events of our lives. When I dedicated myself to patience, BOY I had a lot of opportunities to practice PATIENCE. And again when I dedicated myself to unconditional love, I had multitudes of experiences where it would have been so “easy” to hold a grievance instead of forgiving and loving anyway. And when I committed to peace, I experienced immeasurable opportunities to practice peace. Through another lens these opportunities could’ve been seen as “doom”. I could’ve chosen to be victim and to allow the circumstances to control me, but instead I chose power and I learned to control my perception of the circumstances. With out these experiences, though, I never would have learned ACTUAL patience, ACTUAL unconditional love, and ACTUAL peace, I never would have found ACTUAL happiness. I simply would have missed the lesson time and time again and maintained a victim consciousness. Instead, I chose to overcome, and I do so every time something “disturbs my peace”. I have learned to relish in any opportunity to practice peace, perseverance, faith and love.
If something doesn’t work out the way you envisioned it to, it is simply because there is an outcome more suitable to your happiness to come– something you are unable to see yet because you’re so focused on YOUR idea of how things “should” be. We can block and limit ourselves by believing only a certain outcome will bring us joy. Once we open up to ALL possibilities and once we heal old belief systems that are creating unwanted outcomes, we are able to receive the one that is best for us. We have to be open to seeing the “bigger picture” and to trusting our journey. This begins with the choice to realize that a simple change in perception is all it takes to see life as a miracle instead of a mess.
Your innermost beliefs are what create your reality, so what are you CHOOSING to believe? What “negative” circumstances in your life could be seen as wonderful OPPORTUNITIES to heal? In what ways are you saying “I can’t” when it’s really “I won’t”? In what areas of your life can you shift your consciousness from apathy, guilt, anger and jealousy and into love, grace, peace and joy? Forgive yourself for creating a suffering world, and take the power back by choosing to consciously create a happy, loving, peaceful one.
“Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.” -Dr. Wayne Dyer.
What sort of world do you want to live in?
Stay tuned for a follow up blog about HOW TO TURN YOUR NEGATIVES INTO POSITIVES!!!!
Please comment and share your own stories of overcoming “negatives” to see a positive! What practices do you use to help keep your mind “in check”? Remember to share this post if you love it! This practice is SUPER useful during the parenthood journey. If you or someone you know is looking for more help or guidance on how to thrive along the family journey (from pre-conception to parenthood) please contact me to learn more. And make sure you subscribe to receive practical tips, tricks, meditations and more by entering your email here https://birthpurpose.wordpress.com/contact/ ! Thank you so much for reading.